So Beautiful......... So Brief......

I made it out alive!  In fact I have to take back my biohazard comment from the previous blog.  It was not so much a health issue as it was a jumble sale.  All I really had to do was get control of the drawers, wardrobe and the clothing covering every square inch of the rest of the room and it was all good. 

I managed to find my missing laundry (in the bottom of the cupboard, still in the laundry hamper!!! Covered by jumble sale) It was mostly underwear and I just kept thinking I know I have more 'dainty items' (if size 16 has ever been called dainty??) they must be somewhere?  Perhaps the washing machine is eating them again?  Damn washing machines with their eating disorders!!!  But no!  There they were.

I also found my Kathmandu toilet bag, loaned once, not seen since.  I found my black slip dress that she swore had been returned to me.  It must have been that time I was hiding out in her bottom drawer, when she gave it back to me???! 

Anyway, the room is pristine!  It even smells different.  I can enjoy it....... until Sunday.

I May Not Make It Out Alive....

My plans tomorrow involve getting stuck into the biohazard at the end of the hallway.  Alex is away and I need to get in there and empty the room of the last 6 months of accumulated junk.  If I don't blog within the next 2 weeks, please call the authorities.  I am home alone until Friday and the last thing I want to happen is that I qualify for a stint on the TV show "I Shouldn't Be Alive!"

If they decide to use actors because I am too traumatized from my experience, could I please have Kate Winslet play me?  I think she could pull of the accent??  Oh and also she looks just like me.

Curse You Starring Boy!

You may have read an earlier entry about the starring boy?  He spent quite a bit of time in the past 18 months staring at my daughter and NOW he has joined rowing.

In itself, this would have been okay had he not failed to grow past the brain power of a 5 year old boy who gets a girls attention by pulling her hair or kicking her.  The starring boy who we shall call Liam (mainly because that is his name!) has been being particularly unpleasant to Alex since joining rowing.
I don't for one minute imagine he stood at the dairy on a regular basis going-
"hmmm, that girl is so revolting I will stare a bit longer"
or
"hmmm, I think I will be stalker-ish and join the sport I know she does so that I can stare at her ugliness"
or
"hmmm, I bet if I tell her she is an ugly pig, she will give me some attention"

I now need to revisit the starring boy on my blog because HE SENT A VERY UNPLEASANT TEXT TO MY DAUGHTER!!

This in itself provided quite a large amount of reinforcement that not only has he not matured enough to figure a way to get a girls attention but he also cannot recognise that she is not a 'black pig' nor is she 'ugly' and to use the 'f' word twice within a 13 word text clearly indicates that he does not have a particularly strong nor eloquent grasp on the English language.   It would also be helpful if someone could take him aside and teach him the difference between 'your' and 'you're'.

I would volunteer and perhaps I will discuss the finer points of an apostrophe with him at some stage as I am biding my time for the next time I see him waiting outside the dairy.  I will be hopping out of my car and I will be having a chat.  It will have loosely veiled threats and enough sarcasm to ice a cake but I will leave him with no doubt that if you take on one of us, you get ALL of us!

I might even poke him in his starring eye!

Bugger This! I'm Back

I'll take my chances.  Only McCauley Culkin (however it is spelt???) has enough money to divorce parents!
I miss my blog!
I miss my mocking!
I miss the person from Wanganui that checked my blog more than I did!

I'm back and I have 3 months worth of funny stuff waiting for you.

Tell your friends.  Tell your workmates.  Tell people in Wanganui!

Teenagehell is back and its got NO BETTER!  (hmmm not really the line I was going for....)